


Remember Me

by vsulli



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Amnesia AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 15:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16267283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vsulli/pseuds/vsulli
Summary: When Inej can't remember, how is Kaz supposed to survive?





	Remember Me

Loving someone meant that every thought, every action, everything always led back to them. They became everything, became your world and if something happened to your world, then there would be no why for you to exist. Kaz thought of this as he watched the Wraith’s crew disembark. They all looked sullen, lacking the joyous celebrations of a successful journey. Kaz toyed with the container of food in his hand, he’d bought it from her favourite stall on his way there but every second he didn’t spot Inej made his stomach drop and his head spin. The food was getting cold, she never liked to eat it when it was cold.

“Where is she?” He asked one girl, she looked startled at his voice, having never been addressed at all when he came to the docks. She stared up at him, as if she hadn’t heard him at all. “Inej, where is she?”

“She’s,” her voice wavered, and slowly, he followed her gaze as she looked back at the ship, “she’ll be okay,” she whispered, either convincing him or herself, he didn’t know. Without his question answered, he let her walk off. He stood still, waiting.

He didn’t wait for much longer. He saw Specht first, who looked as if he hadn’t slept since leaving the city almost three weeks ago. Kaz nodded to him, but he didn’t receive any acknowledgement back, just a frown before the first mate turned back to the boat and bent down. The container dropped to the ground when he saw the stretcher, and his cane followed when he recognized who laid on top of it.

She looked as if she were sleeping, her hair loose and falling over her shoulders and chest, her lips slightly parted as weak puffs of air left her. He saw nothing physically wrong with her, her crew’s healer having done their job and closed any wounds. Kaz watched as his own healer checked her over, not that he didn’t trust her’s, but his had a certain level of loyalty that simple friendship couldn’t obtain. Denying the offer of leaving the room, he stood by the window, keeping an eye on the small boat that bobbed in the canal that ran behind their home and the Dreg that sat inside it, waiting for any instruction.

“She looks alright on the outside,” the healer finally said, but Kaz stiffened, knowing something else was coming, “she received massive trauma to her head, which is why she hasn’t woken yet.” Kaz rolled his eyes, he’d guessed that part already, and the healer sighed. “She’ll wake up, boss, but-”

“But what?” The healer played with the instrument in his hands and Kaz fought the urge to take it from him and break it, “are you going to just stand there or tell me what’s wrong with her?”

“We have no way of knowing more until she wakes up.”

He’d learned what had happen the next day. For the first time in her captaining career, Inej had been the one to be snuck up on. A slave ship seeking revenge for lost cargo, they’d snuck on board as most slept, silently slaughtered the ones who were awake. Kaz thought back to the crew that walked right past him at the dock, realizing that there were far fewer than he remembered. Specht told him how one of the men had found their way into Inej’s cabin, how she tried fighting them off but ended up dragged to the middle of the deck. She’d freed herself, tried climbing up to the crow’s nest, but caught a knife in her leg causing her to fall straight back down. He nodded along to the story, knowing that Inej had gone through hundreds of fights through her years but not believing that she’d been bested by a simple ambush. Inej was usually ready for anything.

“She’ll be alright, Brekker, she’s strong.”

“I know she is.”

For days he paced their room, waiting and waiting to see her beautiful eyes again. He refused to leave her bedside, had a cot brought in to keep next to their bed, not wanting climb in next to her in fear of causing any more harm. He couldn’t concentrate on anything but her, leaving Jesper to take care of business and keep him updated if anything was going wrong with his territory or gang. Jesper and Wylan visited often, the only ones who’d been able to coax him downstairs to eat and Jesper the only one who could even get him into the bathroom to shower. Later, Kaz would thank them for it, but in the moment, he grumbled and snapped whenever he thought they were stepping over a line that he’d created.

“The Dregs keep asking if she’s alright,” Jesper said one day, “they want to come see her but-”

“Not until she’s awake.” Jesper nodded, Kaz proving the point he was about to make. Kaz hadn’t stepped foot outside the house since Inej had come back, and Jesper frowned at the fact that he had no idea of the flowers and cards that their menacing gang left every night for their nearly fallen Wraith. Every time he saw them, he contemplated bringing it all inside, but Wylan always shook his head. Flowers were meant for the dead and Inej wasn’t going to die.

Kaz didn’t say goodbye as they left for the night, only standing when the door was closed to lock it and make sure no one else could come inside. He didn’t go straight upstairs, however, he stayed on the main floor of the house, looking around at the home that they had built. They’d lived together for nearly three years, their home showing the growth of being together for so long. However, the days of neglect had caused a mess and Kaz set to cleaning it up, not wanting Inej to wake up to what looked like a hurricane that passed through. The cleaning distracted him, for the most part. He’d pick up a blanket and bring it up to his nose, smiling at the smell of Inej that still lingered on it, he paused at a discarded tunic, remembering it being thrown there the night before she’d left. But it was Inej’s still packed bag that he finally stopped at, it had been left forgotten next to the stairs, he’d meant to bring it up and unpack it, but he never got around to it. Looking at it now, his eyes moving between it and the tunic still clutched in his hand, he couldn’t help but think about the day she’d left. That was when he finally felt tears start to roll down his cheeks. He missed her, missed talking to her, missed the way she’d laughed, he just missed being with her and having her lying upstairs alone on their bed and not knowing when she’d be up, it broke him.

Jesper had found him the next morning, asleep on the couch, a shirt held to his chest as if he were a child clutching a treasured stuffed animal. He didn’t wake him though, sure that it was the first time he’d been asleep for more than a few minutes. Grabbing a blanket from the other couch, he draped it over his friend, sighing at the sight of how tired he looked. He hadn’t seen him look this tired since him and Inej had settled down, she made sure he had no reason to. And without her around, Jesper feared Kaz would revert back to the way he was. Sighing, Jesper silently made himself busy in the kitchen, making breakfast and tea that he knew Kaz would refuse to have until forced.

“How did you get in here?” The voice didn’t startle him, he’d heard Kaz wake up and shuffle into the kitchen, “the door was locked.”

“Inej gave me a key.” He didn’t turn to look at him as he spoke, but when he did, he almost dropped the plate he held in his hands. Kaz’s eyes were almost entirely swollen and red, but Jesper didn’t comment on it, he knew the look well. Kaz said nothing else, only nodding when the plate of eggs was slid to him.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I didn’t see you have dinner.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m not hungry.”

“What do you think Inej is going to think when she wakes up and sees you looking more like death than you usually do.”

“I’m not sure if she’ll even wake up so why does it matter?”

Jesper stared at Kaz, wondering how him of all people could be losing hope when he needed to hold onto it the most. Kaz was the reason the rest of them hadn’t been falling apart, when Kaz thought something wasn’t going to work, they knew it wouldn’t. Kaz foresaw things that the rest of them would always overlook. He was always one step ahead, and if it seemed like Kaz’s next step now would be to plan Inej’s funeral, then the rest of them would follow. But this time, Jesper knew Kaz was wrong, and he opened his mouth to yell at him for it. However, he stopped himself, because Kaz wasn’t even looking at him. He was looking down at his plate, pushing around the scrambled eggs with his fork, looking as if he’d just been scolded by his mother and was thinking about his punishment. Jesper had seen him worked up for weeks, but he never really saw Kaz so, sad?

“She’s going to be okay, Kaz, we know she will.” He said nothing, but Jesper smiled when he finally put some food in his mouth. “She’ll be back and sitting on your lap eating waffles in no time.”

“I’m going to throw my fork at you.”

“Another thing Inej would be disappointed about when she wakes up. She’d be devastated if she learned you killed her best friend.”

“You’re not her best friend.”

“Why? Because I’m yours?” Jesper ducked and laughed, thankful that Kaz had seemed to lighten up a bit.

They ate in silence, cleaned up in silence, and Jesper followed Kaz upstairs in silence. He said nothing as Kaz paused at the door, knowing he needed to prepare himself to see Inej still lying still on the bed. He was about to place his hand on his shoulder, but Kaz stepped inside before he could.

“Did you do this to me?” Jesper froze mid step at the voice, it sounded like her, but there was something off about it. Her accent hadn’t been that strong in years, he felt rooted to the spot, not knowing if he’d imagined it or not. “Did this happen last night?”

“Last night? Inej-”

“But you’re not the man from last night,” he heard her whisper, “who are you? And where have you taken me?” She sounded panicked, and Jesper ran into the room, practically bumping into Kaz who hadn’t taken more than two steps from the door.

When Kaz had walked into the room, the last thing he was expecting was to see Inej sitting up, looking as if she’d just woken up from a nap and not a two-week long coma. She paid him no attention, all of her attention on the scar that ran up her forearm, one that had been there for years, but she looked at it as if it had just appeared overnight. Then she looked up at him and spoke, and Kaz’s urge to pull her into his arms had frozen. Kaz watched Inej’s eyes widen in fear when Jesper entered, watched her hands clutch the sides of the blanket as she backed up as far as she could against the headboard.

“Inej, it’s okay-”

She said something in Suli, and the two of them just looked at each other, not understanding a word she said. Kaz wished he paid more attention when she tried teaching him.

“She finally sold me,” she said in Kerch, “Tante Heleen sold me to you?”

“No, Inej,” Jesper said calmly, “Heleen isn’t even alive anymore.”

“What? You’re a lie.”

“It’s not a lie, love, she’s gone, you’ve been safe from her for years.” Kaz could feel Jesper’s eyes on him, the soft voice that Kaz used something completely foreign to his friend. Kaz didn’t care though, he just put a hand up and took a step towards the bed, his heart breaking when Inej shuffled a bit further away. Away from him. “Inej, you weren’t sold to us,” he tried assuring her, “we’re your friends, I’m your-”

“I have no friends.”

Kaz finally looked over his shoulder, returning the frown that Jesper was already giving him. The two of them nodded in understanding. It felt like Kaz’s entire world was shattering with each passing second. He’d thought the worst fate was not having her wake up at all, but having her wake up but not remember him? They’d built a life together, he’d opened up for her, let her in, he gave her something that he never thought he ever could. He’d been gifted her trust, and seeing her eyes filled with fear as she looked at him now? It was a fate worse than anything he had ever imagined.

Inej stayed glued to the back of the bed, refusing to relax with the two of them in the room. They’d realized she was back to her first year at The Menagerie, still fourteen years old, still thinking that she’d be dragged back to her mistress to be beaten for some fabricated crime. Kaz wished Nina was still in the city, she would have known how to calm her, how to bring her back, but she wasn’t there, and it was the first time Kaz found himself cursing the fact that she’d left. Kaz stood in the far corner of the room, as far away from her as he could without leaving her entirely. Inej’s eyes never left him, as if he’d do something to her if she looked away for even a second. It was the same look that business men tended to give him, waiting for the moment he would steal their watch or tie their shoelaces, even though he hadn’t done those things since he was a kid.

“How old are you, Miss Ghafa?”

“Fourteen.”

Kaz sighed and ran a hand over his face, every answer she’d given the woman so far had been wrong. He shouldn’t have been frustrated, he should have been grateful she’d even started talking. Jesper had requested a female medik, something Kaz wished he’d thought of, Inej would be more trusting if there was a female in the room.

“And where are you right now?”

“I’m-I don’t know.”

“You’re in your home, this is your bedroom. Who are these men to you?” She motioned between Kaz, Jesper and Wylan, who’d showed up minutes after the medik had. The three of them waited anxiously on the other side of the room, watching the exchange silently.

“My friends?”

“Do you know that or were you told that, Miss Ghafa?”

“I was told.”

She asked a few more questions before standing and motioning for the three of them to follow her out of the room. They listened as she spoke to them, telling them off her ailment, paying closer attention when she told them of a potential cure. Kaz took note of everything she said, storing it away for use later. There was nothing more she could do, she told them sadly, and with a nod of her head, the three of them watched her leave.

They’d all sat with Inej for hours, filling her in on the events from the last few years, they’d never seen so many emotions go through one person in such a short time span before.

“I think, I think I need to rest,” she finally said, stopping Jesper mid-sentence. The three of them nodded, understanding immediately and left without another word.

“You can go home if you want,” Kaz sighed, knowing how tired they must have been after all of it.

“Kaz-”

“I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine, you can go home and come back later.” Jesper clapped his shoulder, and Wylan gave him the smile that everyone seemed to be giving him since Inej came home, and they left without another word. Looking up the stairs at the closed bedroom door, he sighed.

There were things in Kaz’s life that he knew he’d survive through, times he should have been crying for his life but didn’t shed a tear knowing he’d live. He survived a plague, a plague that wiped half the population of his city, he survived drowning, he survived twenty gang members coming at him with the intent to kill, he was a survivor. Watching Inej walk around their small house, he wasn’t sure he’d survive this. She remembered nothing of him, not his name, not his life, absolutely nothing. He should have been thinking about using this opportunity to start over, to act like he’d never been the monster she once knew, a whole new person for her to fall in love with. But he didn’t want that. He wanted her to remember it all, it was those memories that made them what they were. She’d been doing this for almost three days, just moving about the house, as if trying to reorient herself, trying to remind herself.

“You’re staring at me again, Mister Brekker,” Inej said, he apologized, profusely, like he always seemed to be doing now.

He stared down into his cup, trying to keep his eyes away from her. He wasn’t doing it to look at her, well, he was, but not in the way she was probably thinking. He was just trying to figure her out, he needed to look at things to figure them out it was just how it worked. Swirling the cup, he smiled, she’d made him coffee as she made herself tea, it was the reason he was watching her. If she could remember something as simple as the fact that he didn’t drink tea, then she could remember other things.

“Kaz, I you can call me Kaz.”

“Kaz, Kaz, Kaz,” she whispered over and over again, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

She nodded, and Kaz found himself watching her again. Her hair was open, falling free behind her and he wondered what made her forgo the braiding that morning, she’d done it every morning since waking up. He didn’t ask her though, he instead stood and pulled on his jacket.

“You’re leaving?” She looked scared, not having been left alone for even a second since waking up.

“We don’t have any food, love, and I don’t know about you, but I kind of want a home cooked meal tonight.” He noted the way her cheeks pinked at the pet name, to her no one had ever called her anything loving in a long time. He reminded himself to hold off on it, however, because to her he was still a stranger and strangers didn’t call each other love. 

“You cook?” Kaz finally smiled, and nodded, remembering the first night she made the realization. 

It was the first night they spent in their new home, they were alone and all they had was enough to make some eggs and toast, but he made the most of it. But that’s not a memory she had anymore and when he realized that, the corners of his mouth dropped. Mumbling that he’d be back soon, he walked out the door, not even looking over his shoulder before shutting it behind him.


End file.
